My Dearest Mina
by TheBitterAftertaste
Summary: The unspoken letters of Ms. Vanessa Ives
1. Letter 1

_**A/N: Okay, so seeing as I'm absolutely in love with Penny Dreadful I thought I'd give this a whirl. These are the letters from start to finish that Vanessa Ives wrote to Mina. Hope you enjoy it.**_

_Tuesday March 19__th__ 1878_

My Dearest Mina,

It has been only three hours since your Father forbid me to see you, and I do not blame him for his order. I wish to tell you why I committed such a despicable act; but the truth of the matter is I could not tell you, because I cannot comprehend myself. Perhaps I am foolish; perhaps I am just a coward. Right now it is the latter, for I know that I will never give you this letter. I write it for my own benefit, to replenish my sins against the Lord and yourself.

Do you remember when we were only children? You told me of the man you wished to marry, and as soon as I saw Captain Branson I knew he would be the one you would become betrothed to. One of the Lord's ten commandments speak that _"You shall not covet your neighbor's wife; and you shall not desire your neighbor's house, his field, his male servant, his female servant, his ox, his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor's." _ Whilst I am damned for what I have done, my main sin was always my envy of you. How you were so sure of who you wanted to be, what path you wanted to follow; everything about you made me wish I could have what you have. I understand your family, nor yourself follow the Church, and whilst to sin is not a dilemma for yourself, you must understand that what I have done will follow me for the rest of my life.

This was supposed to be the happiest day of your life, one that would bring such positive memories and change your entire world. I imagine you would look ravishing in your wedding gown. Whilst you chose to keep the garment a secret I must confess that I had quickly glanced at the dress when you were speaking with your Father. The white lace that would have matched your pale skin so perfectly, the silk sash that would have been tied around your waist, cinching your womanly figure that suited you so well. I can imagine the veil covering your face, your beautiful, chaste, innocent features.

I will never be allowed to wear white now, in fact it will be a surprise if I am ever married, my reputation will be ruined. The previous statement implies I wish for you to feel some sympathy for my predicament, and I apologize for that, because I do not ever expect you to feel anything other than contempt for my selfish and cruel actions.

I don't expect you to forgive me for what I have done, because as I laid across the table as your fiancé took my innocence, and I looked into your eyes, I have never seen such sorrow and anger reflect in them. I truly believe there is something within me I do not understand, and something that I do not wish to, because the only thing I could think of whilst Captain Branson enjoyed exploring my untouched body was that for the first time, I had something you wanted, I had taken that first step, and I saw the hidden envy, and for that reason I couldn't break the gaze we had.

I am telling you this because I need to put things right, we were sisters, the only thing changing that being that of our blood. We spent each and every day in each other's company. Your family were mine, your house was an extension of my own and you could say exactly the same for mine. Whilst I am equally to blame, if a man can be so easily tempted then he is not good enough for you my dear Mina, but the problem is I do not think anyone is good enough for you. I spent the past eighteen years of my existence trying to be good enough.

I would give anything to speak to you for just a few moments, so I could apologize and plead for your forgiveness. Nothing will ever be the same and I do not expect it to be, no matter how much I desire for it. I revolved around you, your happiness was my happiness, and now your sadness and loathing is my own burden to bear. Perhaps I will see you in the near future, perhaps you will have fallen in love again, and that beautiful dress will be put to excellent use. Whilst I do not expect to walk behind you down that aisle, I would give my entire soul in order to be able to sit at the pew furthest away.

One day I will give you this letter, and I hope you will read it and your heart will be softened, that the grudge you must hoard will extinguish like the final few seconds of a lit candle, when the wick burns to the plate and cannot be relit. I hope that one day you will forgive me, and I will not rest until I speak to you.

_All my love always,_

Your Vanessa.


	2. Letter 2

**A/N: To my lovely Lou Lou- hope you enjoyed your prom 3 Love Charly Boo :3 3**

_Thursday 28__th__ March 1878_

My Dearest Mina,

It has been nine days now, and it is the longest time I have not seen you. Even when you went to the Cliffs for a holiday, you took me with you and we would skip rocks along the beach, and run till our faces were red and our hearts were racing. Those were the most wonderful of times do you not agree?

Maybe that is where you are now. I watched your door continuously from my bedroom window, just to see if you would exit, to see if you would have the forgiveness in your heart to come and speak to me. I confess when I saw the carriage pull up I could feel my heart break. You could not be in the same area as my foul self, and I cannot blame you. I shed tears myself as I watched your distraught face disappear into the carriage, and I felt ashamed knowing that I had been the cause of it.

I have fallen ill since that night, and perhaps it is of just cause that I have. I feel something overpowering me. Something beyond my control, and it frightens me Mina, that hidden entity within me, one that I am not aware of, could be lurking at any second, and I would not be able to do anything about it. I am looking over what I have just written and I sound clinically insane. I think that is what Mother thinks I am. She does not say any such thing though because that would make her a hypocrite.

To think my dear Mina we are practically half-sisters. Whilst my Mother was cavorting around with your Father, living in sin we would both sit and share secrets, and I remember entwining my dark hair with your golden strands, the contrast so different yet the interlink formed forever.

I miss you, and I miss your family. I especially miss Peter, and I cannot even comprehend what he thinks of me. I should have chased after him that afternoon in the maze, I should have confessed my love for him, and then maybe we would be celebrating your marriage by planning my own.

Now I have considered it, I do not think posting these letters to you would give either of us any comfort. I feel I have angered and upset you enough, and whilst these letters are still in my own possession I can pretend you have already replied. I could imagine that you have written of your forgiveness, and that as soon as you can you will come see me, I can imagine you fear for my health and that you spend sleepless nights poured over books, trying to find a cure for something you do not know.

It is what I would do for you my Mina, I would trek across the deserts, further than Africa…I would go to the ends of the earth just to see you. I would battle any storm, swim any tide, and all the other terrible cliché's I am forced to use. None of them convey just what I would do to protect you.

I have pondered so frequently as to where you have gone. I know you have taken your old travelling suitcase, so wherever you are residing you must be staying there for quite some time. I tried to talk to you again yesterday but my Mother locked me in the house. She told me that you did not want to even look at me, but I don't believe that, I cannot. Surely you will not allow some man who was so easily tempted get between our friendship? Surely the foundations of our love and loyalty for one another were made from good solid bricks as opposed to flimsy, old playing cards.

Something is happening to me Mina, and I am scared. I have called for God but he will not help me. Perhaps he has shunned me for my sins, but I'm not too sure whether he ever spoke to me anyway. Something else did though, and that something hasn't left me since. Sometimes I feel completely normal, just like myself. Then I will suddenly form a fever and I am unable to get out of my bed for hours on end, surely there is a cure to my illness. Maybe the illness is why I committed such a cruel act against you.

Even if I were to post this letter I am sure you would not receive it, I am sure it would be read by your Father then tossed into the fireplaces where my delicate script would cave into ashes and embers. If you and I were alone in a room Mina what would you do? Would you cry? Would you scream at me? Would you utter profanities that not even Lucifer himself has spoken? Or would you hit me? Beat me? Would you try to kill me for what I have done?

Perhaps when I am better and you have returned home I will conduct such an investigation, for what is a quarrel between sisters? You and I were meant to be together my Mina, my love for you is eternal, and will not be extinguished with a small blow.

I hope to hear from you soon sister,

My love always and eternally,

_Vanessa._


End file.
